Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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