just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
be right there i have to get my cape
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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