I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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