So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
