i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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