I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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