talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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