Need sex. Gaining weight.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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