You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
