Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
