If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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