Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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