I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I forget how to act sober
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
