If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
