Please, let me fuck your mom
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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