He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
