I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
