By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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