Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
