I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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