Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
