so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
