I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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