You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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