Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
