I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
