Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
