In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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