I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You made out with two different species that night
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
