I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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