You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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