I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
