it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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