before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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