Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize