Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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