I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
