Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
