Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So much rum. So many feels.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
