Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
