Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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