Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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