Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
