they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize