either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
