yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize