Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
