thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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