"it" just moved
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
