i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
