I skipped work to stalk him.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
