Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
