if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
