I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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