I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
