he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize