I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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