Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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