Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
