He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize