plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
