my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Mom said you looked used
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
