Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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