How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
