His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize