On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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