I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
