Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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