I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
