how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize