you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
