While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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