Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
